Friday, December 30, 2005
5 why's that keeps yan wonder. hmm.
life? life. cibai why must it happen now? for me at least.
why must everybody come almost at the same time? im sorry its hard to judge. im sorry. i cant avoid one. i will hurt not only one. in fact everyone. this artificially flavoured happiness being passed around. it sucks. i hate myself. by the way,
safiah. whoever reading this, please have the pleasure to tell safiah that im writing bout her in my blog. cibai.
what or how much do i owe you to have u biting behind my back.
what kind of other roumers are u spreading behind me. how much do they pay you by doing this? ive never mistreated you. never. ure lucky to be the second girl i can throw vulgars at.
why spread the roumers?
why not approach me straight. and ask me.
why? by then it wouldnt be roumers already. it would be the fact. its fun. fun eh spreading roumers. another thing. wtf did u told aishah bout the reason
why i broke up with amanda?make things clear. ask before u spread ur germs. puki kau. not blindly okay. things have gone haywire for me. thank you very much. how can i ever repay you.
- â¥
8:43 am
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Monday, December 19, 2005
work and dreams.
alaaaa.
malasnya nak blog. its been the 4th day since i started work. today i'll be reporting at around 3pm. woah. everyday come back at around 11pm. sometimes hungry. have to go eat. if not, have to head home. almost lifeless by then. eat at mcdonalds yesterday. airport t2. first floor. waited for diy, dan and cat. played the comp too. haha. thanks elen. very sweet of you. =) if u work at sukhothai, either u dont work or u work hard. how hard? very very hard. sigh. then. this sat maybe they having a pit. then the next day work again. its christmas. take a break. came home,
prayed and tried to sleep. cant sleep. what am i excited about? then when finally i get to sleep, i dream of you. why? i mean its like nothing between us already. its been how long already. very long. somehow its a scene whereby i and another friend. i cant recall who. we were sitting at this corridor. dont know doing what. then ur apartment, just beside where we were sitting. u were screaming. for whatever reasons. then me, outside, i screamed to u. telling u off. somehow i just hate u that much. have u ever noticed? when we were together, i never raised my voice. not even once. see my patience? somehow in this dream i have no patience. lost them all while u left.
heh. ya then i dont know where u got the drum from, u put it on the floor, and kicked it. then loud BOOMs could be heard. then i screamed again. i just hated u so much. then dont know. some mixed emotions happened. i dont know how and why. suddenly i was hugging u, crying. i missed u. i missed you. you hear me? errghhh. ya. then i saw u cried too. then suddenly i force myself to wake up. then i realised, heh the tears were real. why do i even think about it? when u dont even think about me?
- â¥
10:03 am
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Friday, December 09, 2005
myth and lies .
slithering through the wet ground .
my heartbeat goes at a steady rate.
what seems ahead was unclear.
just neverending fogs and mists.
a gentle breeze rubbed my skin.
everything was quiet, gloomy and grey.
struggled through to find a puddle of water.
the gentle breeze again.
it was peaceful yet worrying.
my heartbeat quickens at the third breeze.
nothing appears to lead the way.
i'd dive into the leaves .
moved a little further and saw a memory.
grabbing it, and overturning it.
beneath the memory, lies some voices.
patiently waiting to be discovered.
the voices? they are your voices.
whatever i saw was so unexpected.
i saw a voice coming up to me.
it cried while telling its story.
so did i while listening to it.
light came to accompany us.
shadowing the voices .
outlining them, making them clearer.
shed this last tear and moved on.
the whole place seemed the same.
still foggy and full of mists.
tried to quicken up.
the conditions seem to never change.
grey, gloomy, dull, almost dead.
hearing footsteps, i turned behind.
pain was sprinting as fast as it could.
where to, pain?
catch up with u later, he answered.
nothing seem to make it happy.
everything was so worrying.
out of the fogs, suddenly came a phython.
a large phython.
sensing food, it toyed my life. threatening and all.
having to kill it somehow, revived the dead technique.
boom, it fell to the ground causing almost an earthquake.
saved my reputation, my life for love.
the fogs and mists started fading.
appeared a split end. left and right.
to the left, why not try my luck?
hearing footsteps again, came pain.
hey pain, ur visit almost killed me.
pain accompanied me all the way.
anywhere i go, till up to today.
should've taken the right lane.
yandArt.
- â¥
7:42 am
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
ooh , Cruella .
err. im yan. still yan. haha. mapek siow. k laa. basically my days have been. hmm. haha. nice. these few days. dont know why suddenly this takraw craze arise. haha. feeders, killers and tekongs. haha. yah. pirate, peel. haha. its good to exercise you know. u let yourself out. yah. lalala. did my splits again just now. ouch. after so long did not stretch. haha. yah. okay. today morning, woke up, i bathed. and nobody else did. haha. then had breakfast. then everybody bathed. i logged on to the comp in the meantime. yah. then ssaw this and that. haha. then we got in the car and went to Johore. did some shopping. my younger sister did not tag along. she had a pit at pasir ris. yeah. so its me, my elder sis, mom n dad. we reached angsana. then we played bowling. haha. fun. i didnt know i was good at bowling. =P then my elder sis was called the longkang girl. because almost all of her balls would end up at the side lanes before reaching the pins. haha. so funny sia. then they carried on to the second game. and i was lazy to carry on. they just carried on. i watched. smiled. yah. then after that went to Marrybrown. had lunch. yum2. haha. cute sia the girl there. cn we meet again one day?. =Phaha. yah. then saw vintage clothes. haha. cool. bought this n that. yah. then its already 3 by then. didnt manage to grab some hair dyes. not enough time. then by the time we got to the checkpoint, it was already jammed. it was only like 3.30pm. so early but already jammed up. then we just waited. yeah. overall we had a fun day. reached hm abt 4.45pm. prayed asar and went out again. met then at pirate. played takraw all. liyana said she saw me. haha. so notty sia peep2. yah. then after that went to festival park. rested, played takraw jap. but its dark so we cant really see the ball clearly. haha. stupid. then we saw the old men again. those which we saw during the fasting month. they were meditating again. so this time. eddie dared me to pick up their radio and run. haha. so, i guessed why not. u dont get to be naughty everyday. b4 dat. liyana came and sat with us. haha. malam2 pon nk lek2. p balik lah. nanti mak risau. haha. then she went home. ya. i did the dare. eddie thought i wasnt going to do it. i took the radio. walked a few steps before jumping off the platform. then i sprinted. haha. funny sia. yah. then discussed what if the police this and that. idiots. haha. then went home. sure had a long day today. haha. im soo tired. btw ah-zhu, nama merepek sia. haha. pe sia u woitz2. alermakk. haha. bila u off ah? =P miss yew. haha. toodles.
yandArt.
- â¥
10:15 pm
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Tuesday, December 06, 2005
promises
im starting to love promises. or is it. ignore promises? words. words. i'd remember when u said u'd cry before carrying on at the T-junction. but hell. u seem more happier now. heh. words. i'd remember u promising me that u'd never let go. in fact u told me not to let go. but in the end, who was it who let go? well2. am i hurt? heh. am i? well. u added salt to the wound by asking am i playing with ur heart? heh. as entertaining as it can get, the sooner u wanted to leave i bet. oh well. after o's we promised we'd go out together. as impatient as you can be, the more hurt i am you'd like to see. hari raya came. i understood too well. then, heh. cibai la. stop denying laa. came ur new friends. fuck u. shut up laa. why cant you just wait? too busy handling them, u forgot i exist. heh. then bla bla bla. u wanted freedom. we talked things out and we agreed to carry on. we did carry on. but its better that we're off. boyfriends and girlfriends have their limits. heh. yea. then soon, yea. at simei. was walking to the jamming place. she did not reply. hey, cant u feel how hurt i was? ure so mean. heartless. u promised u wouldnt repeat like what she did. remember? in the bus? u promised me? the minute before we got lost? before alighting the but and to find out that "hell!, we're at punggol." yea. remember? we found a bottle. and all. eh, i wonder what you told ur parents about me when they found out we broke up. next time dont promise when u arent sure u cant fulfil. ur sorries are so little they cant even stop this blood-tap.
i cant cry. i just cant. my friends see that im not crying and theyre thinking that oh, yan can handle it. ya. seeing is not believing. its not so easy. i force myself to turn but i just cant. it hurts me more. i didnt know sincerity would lead me to this square. cibai shut up can onot. puki kau.
- â¥
6:30 pm
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